dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
