shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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