New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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