I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
