I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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