we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
