i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize