Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize