So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
