Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
