i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
