Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
