if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize