Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
