Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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