Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize