i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
