Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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