do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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