i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
