hotel room ftw
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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