Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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