I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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