So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
