8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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