Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
