I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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