i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I came so hard my ears popped.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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