I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
