As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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