You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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