He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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