you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I just put wine in my tea
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
