If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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