he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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