thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
