Yo dont text me then not text me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
