Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
