Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
