I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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