I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
