OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
