My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
