i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
