This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
