he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
