Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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