Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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