woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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