she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
