And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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