The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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