I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
