OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
