How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
