So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
