Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize