jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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