The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
