So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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