Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
