Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
