Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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