Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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