mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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