So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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