I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
