She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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