there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
