the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
