Where is the hickey?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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