Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize