My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
