OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This baby is an asshole
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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