I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
