so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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