I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
