I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
