a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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