She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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