let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
