He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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