non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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