I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
