Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
