R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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