i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
