my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
