she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
