I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
