my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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