Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
