I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize