So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just forgot I was standing up.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
