I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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