Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize