Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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