Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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