the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
