did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
