im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize