i just had sex bonerless
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
