I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
