worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize