If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
