Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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