cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
