living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
