Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
