somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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