the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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