omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
